I decided to put down my weapons of war and try a new tactic with the battle that rages within me and the enemy I have known as ego.
Today as I drove to work, I had the realization that I felt carefree, with a smile on my face, a melody escaping my lips, the warm fall breeze blowing through my hair, no thoughts that I was aware of, just lost in the task of driving. When in that moment ego decided on a surprise attack, “what is there to smile about, you are all alone in this world, your driving destination is another long boring meeting that never really accomplishes anything, you don’t know your life purpose” and so on and so on… And in that moment the smile leaves my face, my insides toss and turn and I remember that all to familiar feeling of being ‘lost’. But this time, from somewhere deep within me, I hear the gentle reminder to “just breathe”.
How easy the ego’s negative self-talk can still throw me off. How easy the stories I invent in my head can turn from adventures in the mystery or the unknown to dark plots and sinister characters involved my most recent life drama. But of late I am battling less with ego and am learning to slowly and cautiously consider becoming friends. Maybe instead of fighting with ego, I can learn to appreciate the gifts ego provides me in my life. How ego has served me well on many occasions. With each new day I am gaining an understanding of how powerful my thoughts are and I am learning to shift then from fear to appreciation and gratitude. Instead of judging and criticizing myself, I am focusing more on manifesting my hearts desires and taking responsibility for my thoughts.
And with each new day, each new discovery of who I am and what I want, I start to turn the story around. I start to feel excitement in what the future holds, what adventures are here now and what more are to come. I start to remember that the greatest gift I can give my self is the love of self and with that comes acceptance, forgiveness and the pressure being lifted off. The key is to change the story to one that is supportive and that in those moments when I feel overwhelmed, as if I have failed again, or that life is really hard… I am remembering that I don’t need to listen to ego, and that in that moment there is nothing I need to do but just breathe. I am whole… I am enough!
© Kathy Bazinet 2013