There is so much power in the ‘story’ we tell ourselves. Am I lost in this world? Am I just newly (re)discovering the wonderful gifts of vulnerability, freedom and joy? Am I remembering all that I have always known and just forgotten? Is this my time to rediscover the essence of who I am? Or am I just fooling myself and I am in deep denial because none of it really matters anyways? I have always understood the power of the stories we tell ourselves, but I am coming to recognize and question my interpretation of some of my stories and even at times wonder without the stories how do I make sense of this world.
My story for many years now has been that I work hard, but I play harder. I can put wonder woman to shame; I am super mom. I am independent and can do it all single handily. I am not lucky in love. I am too deep and that is overwhelming for others. In my constant pursuit of self discovery I exhaust anyone who chooses to partner with me. I am easy to fall in love with but hard to be in love with. I am fairly successful, with a good job, nice home, food in the fridge and change in my pocket. But none of these actually capture the essence of who I really am.
When I was in my twenties I witnessed a truck back into a parking spot that already had a car in it. This was my first experience of understanding how powerful the mind was at creating a story in order to make sense of an experience. When the police arrived I was asked what I witnessed. I explained my surprise that the driver did not see the parked car. The officer suggested there was no driver. I explained this could not be, I was sure I had seen a driver. The officer asked me to describe the driver. I could not. After a few minutes of me trying to rack my brain the officer let me off the hook and explained that there indeed had been no driver. I actually attempted to explain that there had to have been a driver… the truck backed up, then turned on a 90 degree angle into the parking spot. How could that happen without a driver? I was sure I had seen a driver! The officer explained that the truck had popped into gear and rolled backwards. It then hit a sewage drain turning the tires. But there had definitely not been a driver. Wow…the story my mind created to explain my experience had been so real that I could almost see a driver; a driver that never really did exist.
My journey over the last few months has really helped me explore the different stories I tell myself. It has given me the opportunity to reframe many of them. So for today… my new story is… each day when I wake up I get to decide who I want to be that day and I get to build, choose and witness the story from there! I am Kathy and in my journey of self discovery I am finding my passion!