Time seems to be moving so fast and with it so much has changed – As I leave my house to head off on a twelve day retreat, I’m struck by the realization that me walking out the door has little of the fanfare it once used to have. A gentle hug and a quick I love you is the extent of the goodbye; when once there were tears of sadness and tiny hands clinging to my legs up until the very last second.
The vast majority of me knows this is a very good thing and celebrates that I have helped create a foundation of strength that now assures them that all remains fine even when I am away. But the truth is there is a small part of me, just a very small part, that misses those tiny little eyes staring up at me and those squeaky little voices hollering their love for me as I drive off.
The ache of missing is now replaced with the thrill of growth. The tiny teary eyes are now shiny bright eyes wishing me well on my adventure as they venture onto theirs. The squeaky little voices are now voices of reason that the time away is brief and when we return to one another there will be so much to share.
My thoughts can cage me telling me I’m getting old, they don’t need me, and that they are out growing me. Or my thoughts can set me free, reminding me how blessed I am to witness such beautiful souls as they (and I) spread our wings and embrace all that this wonderful life has to offer us.
As I round the corner, and the girls are no longer in sight, I smile in deep gratitude for the gift that they are in my life. I fully feel into the missing for days long gone, the excitement for adventures not yet had and the deep profound appreciation for this exact moment in time.
© Kathy Bazinet 2014