What happens when you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see…
When the realization that the gap between who you are and who you want to be is much greater than you had believed. What happens when it’s time to peel another layer off the onion and in that moment you feel so much discomfort you would rather not start that first pull…
Today I find myself, on the eve of a week long personal development course, absolutely terrified that this time I might actually rise to my life’s call for action. And I am equally terrified that the opportunity will appear and I will miss it and walk away with little change.
Everything within me in this moment wants to resist. All I want to do is get back on the plane and go home. I hear my inner voice flip between “you are fine the way you are – and – you have been preparing for this your whole life, its time to step into your truth”. The tug of war game going on in my mind is exhausting; I can feel my energy drain.
In the past this spiral of negative thoughts would have occurred unconsciously. This time I hold on tight to my awareness of the slippery slop I have stepped out on. As each negative thought hits me, I remind myself I have a choice on how I feel by guiding my thoughts and that I do have the choice on how I behave.
Just before I turn the lights out, I end the tug of war game… deep cleansing breaths, acceptance of where I am in my life, I acknowledge my fears and I celebrate my deep burning desires that move me forward despite my fear. I have come to truly appreciate that when I feel this much discomfort it means I am in for another significant growth experience. Tonight I looked in the mirror, I saw the significant gap between who I am and who I want to be. Now I know… and tomorrow when I step in the room for my course, I know without a shadow of a doubt that that gap is about to get a whole lot smaller. As uncomfortable as that is…I am ready!
© Kathy Bazinet 2014